Looking Back
The Aftermath of my Dad's Passing
On August 3rd, 2013, my Dad passed away from Liver Cancer. His passing was the hardest time I have experienced in my life. The intensity of my grief has decreased greatly over time. For the most part, time was the only way my grief lessened.
Doctors had told us that with treatment my Dad could live up to 3 years longer. Imagine me and my family's shock when he passed away after 3 months. He was 71 and my friend said that was too young.
I am glad that my Dad lived to see all of his children get married. I am sad that he did not live (in good health) to become a Grandfather. My youngest brother has two daughters now.
In my grief, I was disappointed by some people's reaction to his passing. I am grateful that I did receive support. The volunteer organization I work for gave me a card signed by all the volunteers. The President of the organization came by and told me he wished he could do more for me. This support helped me. One of my friends did not respond at all. Some time later, she did respond with condolences and spoke positively about my Dad and his love for me. That made me feel a lot better.
I am sure that many people are not satisfied with people's responses to their loved ones' passings. Grief is a difficult time and we grievers want support that can make us feel better. People often do not know how to respond to death. They do not mean harm.
I participated in a grief support group on the advice of my Doctor. He was emphatic that I do this. I don't want to discourage anyone from joining one, as it may be helpful, but it didn't help me for the most part. There was at least one time where I felt worse. I did feel better when one of the members expressed anger towards cancer. At that moment I felt validated. She felt the way I did. We were in unity. I was not alone in my anger. To offer some encouragement about joining a grief support group, my overall feeling is that other participants gained from the experience and in some ways I did, too.
For me, the grief has not gone away totally. One of my friends told me this was her experience as well while I was grieving. There are days when I wish my Dad was still around (in a state of good health). There are times when I think of him and feel sad. I have gotten a lot better and have good memories of my Dad that make me feel good.
He was always honest and popular. He was a good friend and generous. He was very intelligent and excellent at math (he was an Engineer). My Dad worked hard, taught us well, thought having kids was the fun of life, travelled the world, and towards the end told my Mom he had no regrets.
What else can I write? I hope you remember the good times you had with your loved ones.
On August 3rd, 2013, my Dad passed away from Liver Cancer. His passing was the hardest time I have experienced in my life. The intensity of my grief has decreased greatly over time. For the most part, time was the only way my grief lessened.
Doctors had told us that with treatment my Dad could live up to 3 years longer. Imagine me and my family's shock when he passed away after 3 months. He was 71 and my friend said that was too young.
I am glad that my Dad lived to see all of his children get married. I am sad that he did not live (in good health) to become a Grandfather. My youngest brother has two daughters now.
In my grief, I was disappointed by some people's reaction to his passing. I am grateful that I did receive support. The volunteer organization I work for gave me a card signed by all the volunteers. The President of the organization came by and told me he wished he could do more for me. This support helped me. One of my friends did not respond at all. Some time later, she did respond with condolences and spoke positively about my Dad and his love for me. That made me feel a lot better.
I am sure that many people are not satisfied with people's responses to their loved ones' passings. Grief is a difficult time and we grievers want support that can make us feel better. People often do not know how to respond to death. They do not mean harm.
I participated in a grief support group on the advice of my Doctor. He was emphatic that I do this. I don't want to discourage anyone from joining one, as it may be helpful, but it didn't help me for the most part. There was at least one time where I felt worse. I did feel better when one of the members expressed anger towards cancer. At that moment I felt validated. She felt the way I did. We were in unity. I was not alone in my anger. To offer some encouragement about joining a grief support group, my overall feeling is that other participants gained from the experience and in some ways I did, too.
- Imagine how good I felt upon seeing one of the group members out and about at South Coast Plaza, a major shopping mall in Southern California. She looked good! She usually did, but this time there was a sparkle in her eyes. Excitement! There had been advertisements about sales and she thought she might find something. Don't laugh - shopping can be fun. Life is too short to not have some enjoyment.
For me, the grief has not gone away totally. One of my friends told me this was her experience as well while I was grieving. There are days when I wish my Dad was still around (in a state of good health). There are times when I think of him and feel sad. I have gotten a lot better and have good memories of my Dad that make me feel good.
He was always honest and popular. He was a good friend and generous. He was very intelligent and excellent at math (he was an Engineer). My Dad worked hard, taught us well, thought having kids was the fun of life, travelled the world, and towards the end told my Mom he had no regrets.
What else can I write? I hope you remember the good times you had with your loved ones.
posted by Evelyn at 11:34 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home